


1010 learns to drive: The saga of Neon J's growing exhaustion

by InfinityUndone



Series: The chaotic lives of 1010 [2]
Category: No Straight Roads (Video Game)
Genre: 1010 share one braincell, Crack Treated Seriously, Driving, Gen, Humor, Neon J is a tired dad, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26905564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfinityUndone/pseuds/InfinityUndone
Summary: Neon J decided it was time for his sons to learn how to drive. "It can't go that bad, can it?" he asked himself.It could.
Relationships: 1010 & Neon J. (No Straight Roads)
Series: The chaotic lives of 1010 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939252
Comments: 9
Kudos: 155





	1010 learns to drive: The saga of Neon J's growing exhaustion

**Author's Note:**

> I passed my drivers test, and wrote this in celebration! Enjoy!

It was time.

Neon J had carefully weighed the pros and cons of teaching his android sons how to drive.

On one hand, they had tendencies to be reckless, impulsive, and had made some truly poor judgement calls in the past.

On the other hand, it was time they started learning responsibilities. It hadn’t escaped his notice that they were getting rather spoiled. And he couldn’t drive them around forever, after all.

So Neon J decided to teach them.

“Alright troops, listen up!” he ordered. 1010 were standing at attention in the garage.

“Now that you’ve all passed your online test and got your learners, it’s time to go on the road! I’ll be teaching you to actually drive! It sounds easy enough in theory, but in practice, driving is a lot of judgement calls and split-second decision making! It’s not just about knowing all the rules of the road, it’s also about being smart! Yes, Yellow?”

“Are you gonna teach us to drift?” Yellow asked eagerly.

Neon J stared at him for a moment. “No.”

“Well, not now obviously, it’s our first lesson, but are you ever gonna teach us to drift?”

“No!” snapped Neon J. “Why do you even want to learn drifting?!”

“So I can street-race!” Yellow blurted out before realizing that may not have been the best thing to admit.

Neon J’s screen glitched for a couple of seconds before he unleashed a long lecture on the dangers of street-racing and how a couple of his army buddies had done it once and died or something and blah blah blah.

Once the lecture was finally over, Neon J said “Alright. White, you’re up first. Get in the BMW.”

“Yes sir!” White said excitedly, and hopped in the driver's seat.

They got out of the garage in one piece, headed down the driveway, and around the block.

White was doing well, especially for a first-timer. Neon J was pleased.

“Pull into that parking lot over there, and park.”

White did so. “Why are we stopped here?” he asked.

Neon J got out, went to the trunk, and took out four poles. He carefully set them up next to the curb, making sure they were at the right length. He then got back into the car and said:

“I’m teaching you how to parallel park.”

“What?!” squawked White. “Already?”

“It’s an extremely important skill! If you just follow my instructions, you’ll learn quick. Now, pull up alongside it far enough that the third pole is in the middle of the back window.” Neon J said.

When White had done that, Neon J said “Now put it in reverse, turn the wheel as far as you can to the right, and go slowly until the far left pole is in the middle of your right mirror.”

White started doing that, but hit a snag when he started moving. “Geez, why doesn’t the car wanna go?” he muttered, and hit the gas pedal much harder than he needed to.

“Wait no don’t-” Neon J began, but it was too late. The care shot backwards, went right up onto the curb and proceeded to hit the mailbox of the parking lot they were in and knock it over.

There was a shocked silence in the car before Neon J broke it. “Next time, don’t hit the gas pedal that hard.”

“Ohhhh shit!” exclaimed White. “What do we do?”

As if on cue, the doors to the nearby building opened, and what appeared to be a youth group and their leader appeared, staring at the car and toppled mailbox in confusion.

“Are you guys alright?” the youth leader called to them.

Neon J and White got out of the car. “We’re fine!” Neon J yelled back. “But your mailbox… isn’t”

One of the girls in the youth group exclaimed “Guys! IT’S 1010!”

White was then mobbed by preteens and spent a few minutes taking selfies and signing autographs, while Neon J figured things out with the youth leader. Once all that was done, and White had managed to pry himself from the adoring grasp of the youth group, he and Neon J got back into the car.

“Uh, I’m really sorry, Dad.” White said.

“It’s fine. Let’s just go home.” Neon J said wearily.

Well, they were off to a great start.

* * *

Green had his lesson next. Before Neon J let him leave the garage, he gave him a short lesson.

“So now that you’ve turned the engine on, you can’t go anywhere while you’re still parked. The P on that lever stands for park. The R stands for reverse. To go into reverse, hold down the brake and shift the lever to reverse.” Neon J said, gesturing to the aforementioned lever.

“Like this?” Green asked, as the car started to move backwards.

“WAIT-”

And before Neon J could get out the rest of his sentence, there was the distinctive noise of grinding metal as the car backed right into the metal garage doors.

“Put it in park!” Neon J exclaimed frantically. Green panicked and stepped on the gas instead, before realizing his mistake, stepping on the brake and finally parking the car.

“Oh no…” Green whispered while Neon J tried very hard not to swear out loud.

They stepped out to see the damage. The back of the BMW was scratched and dented, while the garage doors were tarnished, but undamaged otherwise.

Green groaned at the sight. “I didn’t even get out of the garage before screwing up!” he said dejectedly.

Neon J just decided to treat it as a lesson for Green. An embarrassing and expensive lesson, but a valuable one nonetheless.

* * *

Next up was Blue. Neon J at least had faith his second-oldest would have more common sense than his brothers.

The lesson was going quite well. Blue kept a cool head and was more cautious than his brothers. Neon J was pleased.

That was, until they were driving down a random residential street.

“Hey, what street is this?” Blue asked suddenly.

“West Edge Lane.” Neon J replied.

“Oh, sweet!” Blue said, before making a left turn down a side street.

“What are you doing, soldier?” Neon J demanded. “I didn’t tell you to go this way!”

“Relax, J.” Blue answered as he pulled onto a driveway Neon J didn’t recognize. “I just have an errand to run.” He turned off the engine and got out.

“What errand?!” Neon J exclaimed. Blue didn’t answer him, instead he rang the doorbell, and stepped inside when it was answered.

Neon J was left sitting in the car, wondering exactly what the hell was going on.

Blue didn’t take long. Neon J was just deciding if he should march in there after him, when Blue came back to the car, carrying some kind of container and looking pleased.

“Check it out, Dad!” he said. “Petey and Zelda’s new terrarium!”

“Blue, where are we? Who’s house is this?”

“Oh, it’s the guy I bought Petey and Zelda from. He breeds bearded dragons. He also makes custom terrariums, so I ordered one off of him and it was ready today, and I decided to pick it up since we were in the neighborhood.”

“You couldn’t have told me that? You couldn’t have just asked if we could stop and explained why?” Neon J said incredulously.

Blue just shrugged. Neon J debated whether or not to ground him.

* * *

Once they got back, it was time for Yellow to get into the drivers seat.

“Alright! Let’s do this!” Yellow said excitedly.

Normally, Neon J would have lectured him about taking driving seriously and stuff, but he was so done at this point he let it go.

They got out of the driveway alright, and made it down the street with no problems. Once they got to the more populated streets, that was where problems started to pop up.

“Yellow, make a right at the next intersection.” Neon J said.

“Yep!” Yellow said cheerfully.

“Also, you’re speeding. Slow down a bit.”

Yellow looked down at the speedometer. “What? I’m barely over the limit! You drive faster than that all the time!”

“It doesn’t matter what I do, it matters what you do.”

“But you’re being a hypocrite!”

“This is a do as I say, not do as I do situation, soldier!”

“But that’s-”

“YELLOW! BRAKE!”

Yellow didn’t notice the red light, didn’t react in time, and proceeded to rear-end the limo in front of them.

The two of them sat there in shock for a moment. In front of them, the limo door opened…

And who should step out, but Tatiana.

Neon J nearly passed out while Yellow shrunk down in his seat and whimpered “Oh _shit_ , I hit my boss with my car!”

Neon J regained enough of his composure to get out of the car.

“Tatiana, are you alright?”

“I’m just fine Neon J, thank you.” Tatiana looked even sterner than usual, if that was possible. “Who was driving?”

Yellow leapt out of the car and threw himself at Tatiana’s feet, practically sobbing. “I’m so sorry, Ms Tatiana! Please don’t kill Neon J, it was all my fault!”

It took a few minutes to convince Yellow that Tatiana wasn’t going to kill anyone, and another few minutes to get each other’s insurance details.

Needless to say, neither Yellow nor Neon J were looking forward to the next NSR meeting.

* * *

There was still one more lesson to go, and Neon J was now severely regretting not having Red go first. At least if he had, his brothers wouldn’t have seemed so bad.

Neon J had little hope that the lesson would go smoothly, but maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as he worried it would go. Sure, Red was the most temperamental and aggressive of 1010, but maybe that wouldn’t extend to his driving skill. Maybe.

All went well until they were driving down the road.

“You’re speeding.” Neon J said.

“So’s the guy behind me.” Red answered.

“Pay attention to the road, and stop worrying about the guy behind you!” Neon J ordered.

“He’s passing me now, anyway.” muttered Red.

They stopped at a light, and the car that had been behind them pulled up next to them. The guy in it honked, and when Red looked over, flipped him off.

“Wha- you asshole!” Red spat, and returned the gesture.

The guy responded by revving his car.

“Oh, it’s _on_.” Red hissed and revved his own engine in response.

“Red- Red, don’t. Stop.” Neon J warned. “Don’t you dare- RED, IF YOU DO THIS, I SWEAR-”

The light turned green and both Red and the other guy took off, tires screeching.

“RED! _STOP!_ ” Neon J ordered. Red ignored him.

They blasted down the road, the scenery a blur. Red’s eyes blazing and teeth clenched with concentration, Neon J yelling at him to slow down.

The guy next to them made an incredibly sharp left turn.

“YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME LIKE THAT, BRO?!” Red yelled as he started cranking the wheel in that direction.

“NO, YOU’RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT!” Neon J yelled.

Unfortunately, Neon J was proven correct, as the car skidded, and slammed into a fire hydrant on the sidewalk, coming to a brutal halt. Water started gushing from the hydrant, soaking the car.

And to top it all off, they heard the sound of a siren behind them.

Neon J slowly turned his head to face Red. Even with a screen for a face, the anger emanating from him was palpable.

Red slowly began to realize that may have been the single stupidest thing he had ever done.

“Uh… sorry.” he said.

The police had to wait nearly fifteen minutes for Neon J to stop yelling at Red before they could even talk to him.

Once they had that sorted out, Neon J left with a big fat ticket and a dented BMW. He dragged Red home, lectured him for nearly an hour, and grounded him for two months.

* * *

Later on, Neon J reflected on the events of the day. He had a traffic ticket, a BMW that was dented to hell and back, a scratched garage door, insurance rates that were sure to go up, a good five years probably taken off of his lifespan, and the realization that his android sons were all complete and utter dumbasses.

Maybe he should just put them in actual driving lessons…

But no. He couldn’t do that to some poor, unsuspecting instructor.

Neon J just sighed. And started looking up chauffeur rates.


End file.
